At last. A can-do attitude from a can opener. Sounds corny to me.

Corned beef sandwich anyone..?  One slice or two.

I've just had a full on row with a can opener. I gave it a piece of my mind I can tell you.

I asked it to do a simple job, a job that fully fits its job description. I asked it to open a can, a job it carried out with a rather sulky attitude for my liking.  It all started with a tin of corned beef, the contents of which were destined to be sandwiches.  Now it wasn't until I took the tin from the fridge that I realised the famous corned beef tin key was missing. Which begs the first question; why are corned beef tins such a damned silly shape, all squarish and tapered.

Views differ.  Some say because the meat is easier to slice like that, others say it goes back to World War One and the tins were easy to store and carry in a soldiers bag, the key being his handy means of getting at the meat. Well I hope they appreciated the concept is all I can say because opening a squarish tin with a sulking can opener is a lengthy  and near fatal occupation.  The opener pierced the tin and frankly gave up after that. Opening the can round the rounded corners was laughable.  The result after 20 minutes or so of hacking was a mass of jagged metalwork, and a temper.   I gave up in the end and - to cut the story short -  I realised late in the day that I could wrap a tiny screwdriver around the little metal tab that was left where the key should have been and managed, somehow, to turn it.  In effect, the screwdriver became the key and the contents are now sandwiches.

It's not the first time this can opener has let me down. More than once my kitchen has looked like a scene in Casualty or Holby City as jagged tin lids, half cut and half punched have sliced through  various bits of me.  Frankly, the novelty has worn off.

If you are tired of including sticking plasters as part of your essential kitchenware then standby for a solution.  Not that long ago I witnessed a can being opened with one of these. Extraordinary. Your jaw will drop. It's like watching a Penn and Teller magic trick in your own home.  A can opener that not only opens cans but cuts in such a way that the now severed can lid is smooth. You can pick the circular lid up, run your finger around the edge and all your fingers plus skin will remain intact.

They should be available on the NHS; they'd save the NHS billions a year in A and E finger fixing. And, just to show what a show off it is, both left and right handed types can use one.  Clever clogs.

Might sound corny to you but there's plenty to beef about.  (Those are page 23 and 19 of the cliche book respectively.)